Napoleon II (1811-1832)

Francis II was the last of the Holy Roman Emperors. Four times he fought against France, and it didn't go well the first three times. Each of those times he was defeated by Napoleon. The first time he was forced to cede lands. The second time he was forced to cede the Holy Roman Empire itself, which dissolved after 400 years, and Francis II became Francis I, Emperor of Austria. The third time, he was forced to cede his daughter, Marie Louise, and Francis I became a forced and unwilling ally of Napoleon.

Napoleon was looking for an heir and divorced Josephine because she did not produce one. He went wife shopping amongst the royal families of Europe and found himself a Hapsburg princess courtesy of his new ally. Napoleon and Marie Louise were married by proxy in Vienna and did not meet until two weeks later, upon which she told him "You are much better-looking than your portrait." She settled into the role of Empress of France quite well and the marriage bought a great deal of good will from the people of Austria, who had been quite annoyed with Napoleon for his invasions and such.

Napoleon II was born almost exactly a year later. But that fourth time was soon to come, and Napoleon's ally and the rest of Europe teamed up against him and forced him to abdicate. Marie Louise and her son returned to Austria, never to see Napoleon again. After Napoleon's brief return to power in the Hundred Days, he was defeated at Waterloo and abdicated again, this time naming his four year old son Emperor of France. Napoleon II never took the throne, instead receiving the far lesser title of Duke of Reichstadt in Austria.

The treaties following the Napoleonic Wars made Marie Louise the Duchess of Parma, and all accounts she ruled the small state well. She married again twice and had three more children. Napoleon II's life was cut short by tuberculosis on July 22, 1832, though there is speculation that he was assassinated with poison by Metternich. There Napoleon's direct male line ended. Emperor Napoleon III was Napoleon's nephew.

Vespasian (9-79)

Titus Flavius Caesar Vespasianus Augustus, the ninth Emperor of Rome, was the son of a centurion and tax collector from central Italy. Young Vespasian worked his way up a series of public offices. One early post was an administrator in charge of street cleaning in Rome, where he was so unsuccessful that Caligula stuffed his toga full of mud from the streets. He was more successful as a military commander, winning numerous battles in Britain. Accounts differ regarding his rule as governor of Africa, but at one point he was pelted with turnips, so it couldn't have been all good. Following this he was lost in the political wilderness, reduced to the mule trade (earning him the nickname "mulio") and losing the favor of Nero after reportedly falling asleep during one of the Emperor's performances on the lyre.

Vespasian regained political power by again being a successful military commander, suppressing the Great Jewish Revolt. After Nero committed suicide, the Roman Empire was thrown into civil war and the throne changed hands multiple times in what became known as The Year of Four Emperors. Vespasian, with loyal troops behind him, was ready and defeated the forces of Vitellius. While Vespasian siezed control of the Empire, his son Titus finished off the Judean revolt, brutally capturing and sacking Jerusalem.

By all accounts, the reign of Emperor Vespasian was more successful than his previous attempts at public administration. He began construction of the Colosseum and many other public works. He was a generous patron of authors like Quintilian and Pliny the Elder. Philosophers, however, he viewed with contempt, thinking of them as complainers and reviving old laws against them. He even executed one of them, a persistent Stoic critic named Helvidius Priscus. His name lives on in many Romance languages as the name for a urinal, born from public complaints about a toilet tax he initiated.

Vespasian was felled by some illness marked by fever and severe diarrhea. On his deathbed, he ordered that he be helped to stand because "An Emperor should die on his feet." His last words were Væ, puto deus fio, "Oh! I think I'm becoming a god!" He died on June 23, 79 CE, succeeded as Emperor by his son Titus.